Anu Mary Mathew & Tibu .M. Abraham
Marriage in the Old Testament
According to the Book of Genesis, marriage is a divine institution. “Then God said, ‘it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen 218). The God made Eve as “helper”; that is, a companion to Adam. This implies that monogamy is the ideal one, though polygamy became customary among the Old Testament patriarchs. No religious ceremony for marriage is attested in the Old Testament and no information is available on the ideal age for marriage. Probably the only essential ceremony was the introduction of the wife to the home of the husband. The bridegroom accompanied by his parents, relatives and close friends, went to the bride s home to bring her with him (Judges 14:11; Is 61:10; Cant 3:6-11). She remained veiled until she enters the bridal chamber.
Spreading of the husband s garment upon the wife, indicating possession, also refer to marriage ceremonial (Ezek 16:18; Ruth 3:9). The marriage was an occasion of community festivity, which lasted for a week. (Gen. 29:27; Judges 14:12). Before leaving her parent s home, the bride s relatives pronounced a benediction.
A marriage ceremony in the Book of Tobit
The Book of Tobit (c.200 B.C) contains a marriage ceremony, probably used among the Jews a few centuries before Jesus Christ (ch. 7-10). Tobias asks Raguel for Sarah s hand in marriage. Raguel s consents with the following words: “Take her right now, in accordance with the law. You are her relative, and she is yours. The merciful God will guide you both for the best”. “Then he called his daughter Sarah, and taking her by the hand, he gave her to Tobias to be his wife, saying: ‘Here she is; take her according to the Law of Moses; and take her with you to your father . And he blessed him” (Tobit 7:12-13).
Next the marriage contract was written by Reguel and the feast begins. When they had finished eating, they escorted Tobias to the bride s room. Before they sleep, Tobias recites a special prayer, which has a markedly Jewish structure, beginning with a praise for creation, followed by a supplication for ensuing marriage: “ Tobias began the prayer saying: ‘Sister, get up, and let us pray that the Lord may have mercy upon us . Then he continued: ‘Blessed art Thou, O God of our fathers, and blessed be thy holy and glorious name for ever. Let the heavens and all thy creatures bless thee. Thou madest Adam and gavest him Eve his wife, as a helper and support. From them the race of mankind has sprung. Thou didst say: It is not good that the man should be alone; let us make a helper for him like himself. And now, O Lord, I am not taking this sister of mine because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that I may find mercy and may grow old together with her”.
The Reguel gave a wedding feast for them which lasted fourteen days (7:19-21). After that Tobias returned to his father with Sarah. As dowry, Reguel gave half of his property in slaves, cattle and money (10:10). He sent them with the blessing: “The God of heaven will prosper you, my children, before I die”. He gave the following instruction to his daughter: “Honour your father-in-law and your mother-in-law; they are now your parents. Let me hear a good report of you”. (10:12). Reguel s wife Edna sad to Tobias: “The Lord of heaven brings you back safely, dear brother, and grants me to see your children by my daughter Sarah, that I may rejoice before the Lord. See, I am entrusting my daughter to you; do nothing to grieve her”.
As they approached their home town Nineveh, Tobias and his friend Raphael run ahead of Sarah to prepare the home (11:3). Tobit (Tobias father) went out to meet his daughter-in-law at the gate of Nineveh, rejoicing and praising God (11:16). Tobit blessed Sarah, saying: “Welcome daughter! Blessed is God who has brought you to us, and blessed are your father and your mother”. Then the marriage was celebrated for seven days with great festivity (11:17-18).
Meaning of marriage
Ps.45, which is a messianic Psalm, contains an allusion to the marriage ceremony of ancient Israel (45:8-11). “Hear, O daughter, consider and incline your ear; forget your people and your father s house, and the king will desire your beauty. Since he is your Lord, bow to him”. Jewish Rabbinic tradition saw it as an allusion to the relationship between Yahweh and his people. In the Eastern Christian tradition, it is seen as a reference to the Church as well as the Mother of God. Thus it appears in the Eastern marriage liturgies as well a several offices (e.g. ‘the quqlion of the Mother of God in the Syrian Orthodox liturgy). However, this Psalm has been often quoted to underscore the sacredness of marriage.
According to the Old Testament understanding, marriage – the union of a man and woman – is part of God s saving will. There is a hierarchy in it; man has been given a certain ‘priority and woman is his ‘helper and support, so that they shall live according to God s design. Woman leaving her own parents and home and becoming a member of her husband s family is part of God s plan that ‘they shall be one . Wife becomes ‘a companion to her husband (Mal. 2:14).
Marriage is also a covenant between a man and a woman (cfr. Mal.2:14; Prov. 2:17). This idea of covenant cannot be reduced to a legal sense. It implies love, faithfulness and the attachment of hearts. In fact the covenant between Yahweh and Israel –the central theme of the Old Testament – implies love and faithfulness. Yahweh is faithful to his promises (Ex 34:6) and He loves Israel (Deut 7:8). Yahweh expects the same from Israel (Deut 6:4; Hos 4:2; 6:6). The relationship between Yahweh and Israel is the model for the relationship between man and woman, who are united in marriage. In that sense husband-wife relationship is sacred and is a “sacrament”.
The prophet Hosea and the Song of Songs develop the marriage imagery. Isaiah and Ezekiel also allude to the marriage imagery (Is. 5:1-7; Ez. Ch.16). Israel s infidelity is interpreted in terms of adultery (cfr. Ezk ch.16 & 23). But her repentance restores the relationship (2:19-20). Here we can find an allusion to the new covenant, in which the people turn to God and they are chosen and accepted a ‘the bride of Christ . As we will see, this is a favorite theme of St Paul (Eph ch.5), which recurs in the Eastern Marriage liturgies.
New Testament
Christ s teaching on marriage (math.19:1-9; Mk.10:1-12) is essentially same as that we find in the creation story (Gen.1:27; 2:24). Our Lord affirms the indissolubility of marriage:
“ Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female [….] for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Mt.19:4-6). The key word of the New Testament is ‘perfection (Mt.5:48) and marriage union is part of man s progress towards perfection.
It is God who joins a man and a woman in marriage. It is God s will and plan for humanity that they shall become one flesh. Thus marriage union is sacred. It is a vocation, a grace given by God (19:10-12). Unlike the Mosaic Law, Christ s teaching prohibits divorce (Math 5:32; 19:9; Mk 10:11; Lk. 16:18). Marriage is indissoluble. It is an eternal union between two unique and eternal personalities. But still there is exception: “save for the cause of fornication” (Mt 5:32). This means that ‘law of the Kingdom of God is never legally compelling; it presupposes free human response. Marriage is a gift, which is to be accepted and freely lived. Man can even reject God s gift. In case of adultery, the gift is refused. Therefore it is a sin and marriage is dissolved.
Following the Lord s words, divorce is not permitted in the writings of St Paul (1 Cor. 7:10-11). In case of separation, there is no question of a second marriage (1 Cor. 7:11). According to Paul, marriage is not broken by death, for “love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:8). However, in exceptional cases, divorce is tolerated (Mt.19:9; 1 Cor.7:12-13). In I Corinthians, Paul gives strong preference to celibacy over marriage (1 Cor. 7). But in Ephesians, this negative view is corrected by the doctrine of marriage as a reflection of the union between Christ and the Church. This has become the basis of the theology of marriage in the Eastern Christian tradition.
New Testament prescribes general norms regarding the husband-wife relationship. There is a hierarchy in the family life and the husband is the head, as Christ is the head of the Church. Mutual subjection is a Christian ideal, which is necessary for maintaining peace and harmony. Similarly, husband shall be the head and the wife shall be subject to him:
“Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For, the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands” (Eph.5:21-24).
Mutual subjection among the believers is a Christian ideal prescribed for maintaining peace and harmony in the local congregation. There is no male domination in a married life. As a loving companion, for peace and harmony, an order has been established, which has its prototype in the relationship between Yahweh and his people, and Christ and the Church. The ‘subjection does not mean slavish obedience, but rather reverence, coming out of love. Husbands cannot use this norm as a pretext to domination. They have the responsibility to love and respect wives as equal partners and most beloved and trusted companion. Thus Paul says: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her (….). Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man even hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (Eph. 5:25; 28).
Church is the ‘complement of Christ, for it is his body. Similarly, a woman is the complement of a man. It is in their union that they become ‘the image and likeness of God . This is implied in the creation story. The name ‘man has been applied to ‘the first man created by God. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen.1:27). Here the singular and plural (him/them) are co-relative. The ‘man whom God created bore woman in his own side, as Christ ‘bore the Church, his bride in his side (cfr. John 19:34). It is this ontological oneness which bears the divine imprint ‘the image and likeness of God . It is this original oneness, which is achieved in the marriage. The original oneness is again implied in the reaction of Adam, when he saw Eve for the first time: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man” (Gen. 2:23).
It is in this context that the Book of Genesis places the meaning of marriage: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Similarly, St Paul concludes his discussion of the husband-wife relationship, by referring to Genesis 2:24 (Eph 5:32). Paul writes: “ This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church; however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Eph. 5:32-34).
The mystery consists of the union of man and woman, as Christ and the Church are united. The sacramentality of marriage consists of their oneness, their restoration to perfection in Christ. As a sacrament is an act of integration, restoration of man to his original condition: his innocence, marked by love, trust and faithfulness, which Adam had lost by fall. Sacraments enable man to regain his pre-lapsarian condition, to live in communion with God in love, trust, reverence, subjection and faithfulness. The marriage union is based on these ideals, which are to be manifested in all relationships, both with God and with fellow human beings. In fact these ideals make marriage a rozo, mystery of the Kingdom of God.
The hierarchical character of husband-wife relationship recurs in the New Testament (Col. 3:18-19; 1 Tim 2:9-15; 1 Pet 3:1-7). Generally speaking, various texts in the New Testament summarize the Old Testament ideals of husband-wife relationships. A husband should love his wife (Col. Eph); he shall have respect and understanding, for women are ‘weaker sex (1 Pet). From the part of women, submission is always insisted (col. Eph; 1 Tim; 1 Pet). She should be modest and virtuous (Tim; 1 Pet), following the example of the women of the ancient law (1 Pet). A woman should have faith in the redeeming value of maternity (1 Tim) and should not be seduced like Eve.
Divorce and Re-marriage
The Pauline view of the remarriage of widowers, as it is expressed in 1 Corinthians, is strictly upheld by the canonical and sacramental tradition of the Church: “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion” ( 1 Cor 7:9).
Second marriage – either of a widower or of a divorcee – is only tolerated. In the Byzantine tradition, until the tenth century, it was not blessed in church. Even today, in all Eastern Churches, it remains an obstacle for ordination.
In the Syrian Orthodox Church, second marriage of a widower is marked by the penitential character and the crowns are not blessed. In case one of the partners is unmarried, blessing of the ring and crown is done for him/her alone. The Sedro gives the impression that formerly, the second married was done at home in the presence of a priest.
As J.Meyendorff says: “ In any case, Scripture and Tradition agree that faithfulness of the widower or widow to his or her deceased partner is more than an ideal; it is a Christian norm. Christian marriage is not only an earthly sexual union, but an eternal bond which will continue when our bodies will be ‘spiritual and when Christ will be ‘all in all ”. It is a unique union of two persons in love in their journey towards perfection in Christ.
Marriage as sacrament
“This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church” (Eph 5:32). When Paul calls marriage a “mystery” (rozo or sacrament), he means that, it is part of God s eternal plan for humanity. Man has been created for eternal life, to live in communion with God. He life in the Kingdom of God is a life as community in which all distinctions, whether of racial, social or sexual are transcended : “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28).
Kingdom of God is new life and as a sacrament marriage is part of it. It is not merely for the satisfaction of natural urges or to assure the continuity of the race.
Kingdom of God means the perfect oneness of all in Christ. It is realized in the husband and wife relationship, which transcends jealousy, selfishness, hypocrisy or lust for domination (-often found in monastic communities than in family life-). [Obedience is the principal ideal in a monastic life. But mutuality and companionship is the basic principle of husband-wife relationship]. Two individuals live together with the sole aim of mutual love, happiness and to make each other happy. In spite of imperfections, husband and wife love mutually, make sacrifices for the good of the partner, make concessions and forgive mutually. This makes their life together a mystery, a transformed life. And above all, they lead a life based on their faith in Christ. It is in this context that Christ used the marriage imagery to explain the joy of the Kingdom of God (Mt.9:15; 25:1ff; Mk 2:19; Jn.3:29).
Marriage is sacrament means that human relationships are transformed into the reality of the Kingdom. Thus in the Christian tradition, marriage is sealed by the Eucharist. Early Christian writers affirm that it is the Eucharist which gives to marriage its specifically Christian meaning. Thus Tertullian (second century) writes that marriage” is arranged by the Church, confirmed by the Eucharist, is sealed by the blessing, and inscribed in heaven by the angels” (To his Wife II, 8:6-9).
In the Roman Empire, the marriage first went through the formalities of civil registration, which gave validity in secular society. Hen they jointly participated in the regular Sunday worship, and they received the Bishop s blessing in the presence of the entire local Christian community. It was then that their civil agreement became also “sacrament” (“inscribed in heaven”). Their relationship becomes an eternal union in Christ.
Ignatius of Antioch (c.100 A.D.) also refers to the same practice: “Those who get married must unite with the knowledge of the bishop, so that marriage may be according to the Lord and not by human desire” (To Polycarp 5:2).
All sacraments are ‘completed in Eucharist, “the Sacrament of the sacraments” (an expression used by Dionysius the Areopagite). Thus marriage began to be celebrated on Sunday during the Eucharist.
The Question of Mixed marriage
The Church never blessed the marriage of a faithful with a pagan or with the member of a Christian community with which it had no communion. The non-Christian or the member of another Christian community should first become a member of the Church and then the marriage is blessed in the Church. The possibility to receive the Holy communion together is the basic condition to bless a marriage in the Church.
Tertullian may be the first Christian writer who discussed the question of mixed marriage. The treatise Ad Uxorum (to his wife) is directed against the marriage between Christian and pagans. The marriage of a Christian woman with a pagan provided the reason for writing this treatise. Referring to 1 Cor. 7:39, Tertullian says that marriage must be contracted “in the Lord”, that is “with a Christians”. A Christian s marriage with a pagan is “evilly founded” and is condemned by the Church. A Church marriage, according to Tertullian, is a marriage between two baptized Christians. It is such marriage which are “arranged by the Church, confirmed by the Eucharist, sealed by the (bishop s) blessing and inscribed in heaven by the angels”. After the civil marriage, the couple jointly participated in the Sunday worship to receive the bishop s blessing and the communion. Tertullian points out that in a mixed marriage, it was not possible for them to join together in the celebration of the Eucharist. It was this possibility to partake in the Holy Eucharist which made their marriage a ‘sacrament . This attitude is reflected in almost all the canonical regulations against mixed marriage.
Canons on the mixed marriage
The first canonical regulation regarding Christian marriage was set down by the Council of Elvira (c. 306). Canon 15 condemns marriage between Christian woman and pagan: “Christian virgins are never, on the pretext of an abundance of daughters, to be given in marriage to pagans, best girl just coming into bloom of youth be destroyed in an adulterous union”.
Canon 16 is against marriage between orthodox and heretics: “Heretics, if they do not wish to come over to the Catholic Church, are not to be given Catholic girls in marriage. It is determined that they are to be given neither to Jews, nor to heretics, because there can be no companionship between faithful and infidel. If parents disregard this prohibition, it is decided that they are to be excommunicated for five years”.
Later synods have followed more or less the same line. Thus Synod of Laodicea ( between 343 and 381) : “ It is not lawful to make marriages with all (sects of) heretics, not to give our sons and daughters to them; but rather to take of them, if they promise to become orthodox” (Canon 14).
In the Syro-antiochian tradition, a Synod presided over by the Patriarch (Giwargi (c.785) decided to excommunicate the parents who give their children in marriage to pagans, Muslims or Nestorians.” Christians who give their daughters to pagans or Muslims or Nestorians - if they are priests, they shall not serve in the priesthood. If they are laymen, they are not allowed by God to enter the Holy Church and shall not participate in the holy mysteries” (Canon 12).
Unity of faith and the possibility to partake the Eucharist together are the conditions for a Church marriage.